Describe yourself (age, height, sex, etc.): Charlie, a 45-year-old married straight man passionate about cooking, gardening, and sports
Your Insult:
"Charlie, you overgrown zucchini of blandness, your culinary skills are as underwhelming as your personality. Your garden is a sad testament to your lack of creativity, much like your ability to spice things up in your mundane, marriage-bound life. Your obsession with sports is the only thing more predictable than your mid-life crisis. You're just a stale casserole of mediocrity, destined to wilt away in the forgotten pantry of life."